♪ We’re really awkward assassins. We mostly care about fashion. Selena looks like an infant. Should we be letting her do stunts? Goo. Hey! Okay! Here’s the facts, you broke your back. That’s right. In the future we have doctors who can rap. And I got a PhD from MIT and several shiny plaques. Hey! Lena Dunham, that’s my stogie, give it back. I don’t mean to criticize you, just like to notify you, that if you don’t gain muscle tone or meat on your bones we’ll have to fire you. We need assassins with a passion for jackin’ people up. Not a bunch of skinny white chicks who keep fixing their makeup. Ah! Oh, promoting gun violence while batting my eyelids is my new jam! We’re a division of Revlon. We test makeup and weapons. And I’m besties with Dunham, who likes to show her tattooed buns. Please put your pants back on. We have rules here at Revlon. Hey, there’s Ellie Goulding. She should look where she’s shooting. Duck!
Remember when you bought this stupid whip? Uh-huh. And I advised you not to purchase it. ‘Cause it don’t matter if it’s see-through if they can still see you. Take it back to the invisible dealership and ask for a redo. We just look like we are floating in a sitting position and the check engine light is on, check the invisi-transmission. ‘Cause an invisible car’s no place for Kendrick Lamar. So let me out of it, please. Don’t tell me you lost the invisible keys! Damn!
My voice is grating, shrill and irritating just like two seals mating. I’m an eighty pound badass, so don’t mess with my flat ass. You know I could’ve played Katniss. I’m a much better actress. I love feuding and trash talk. I’m a skinny white Tupac. Why did you clone Jerry Seinfeld? I said to clone Hailee Steinfeld. God! ♪ – What am I, chopped liver?
– How do you think I feel? – I’m the guy standing next to chopped liver!
– You two are very funny. – Let’s go get some coffee.
– We’ll take my car. ♪ I sound like a country bumpkin with pop-bubble-gum-production. Pardon this hick interruption. That’s Mariska Hargitay and Grey’s Anatomy. Weird. The whole-wide-world is my high school. I determine who is cool. I’m the prom queen, you’re the tool. And you’re not invited to my pool! Now let’s walk in slow motion. We don’t feel the explosions. This is a basic bitch anthem. A battle cry for the dumb dumbs. Selena, you’d better beware. Are those your friends from daycare? You’re gonna wish we never fought. I’ll drop you right on your soft spot! ♪ Oww! She hit me! Why? The Key of Awesome. Hey everybody. Thanks for watching The Key of Awesome number 99. Oh my God. I can’t believe we’re almost to 100. I just want to thank everybody who worked their ass off on this one because it was real pain in the ass to make. And if you want to see all of the other Key of Awesomes, click in the link in the description below.
– Check on my channel. – You don’t have a channel.
– Yes I do. It’s all fish pranks and seahorse reviews. – Uh-huh, with the clam.
– Would you just please stop yelling in my ear? – Why do you hate me so much? More, more, more..
– You know what? – No, no, no, no, no. More, more, more, more.
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